Finding self compassion

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“We must be willing to be completely ordinary people. Which means accepting ourselves as we are without trying to become greater, purer, more spiritual, more insightful.” Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

It was four in the morning when I woke up with a shudder. Unsettled from the shock of a dream that had woken me up, I felt out of sort. There was no need to try too hard to remember my dream, which I usually do. The dream was so vivid and real that it seemed like it had just happened in real life. I was with my ex-husband in that dream. After realizing that it was just a dream, I felt relieved to be woken up, even at 4 am. Continue reading “Finding self compassion”

Accepting the Impermanence of Life

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“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chodron

Separation challenges a systematic belief. When we walk into a marriage we tend to see ourselves growing old together. We come to believe this is how life should be. We try to do everything in our power to prove to ourselves that we made the right choice. We arrive at this foundational belief of: “till death due us part”. Therefore, even when we find ourselves unhappy for years, we still keep going. We keep working on it. We keep trying. Continue reading “Accepting the Impermanence of Life”

Accepting The Loss

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“If we’re willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we can have courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation.” Pema Chodron

Separation and divorce brings a sense of loss with itself. The loss may not necessarily be a bad thing, but it definitely changes the dynamic of our life. As human beings we easily get used to things. Change is not easy to accept. We are creatures of habit. Waking up at a certain time everyday. Buying our coffee from the same coffee shop. Going to the same hairdresser for years. We all get comfortable with our own routines and rituals in life. We become accustom to them and start identifying ourselves with those routines. The activities become habits; which gradually translate to who we are, or at least who we think we are.  Continue reading “Accepting The Loss”

When I dropped The Shame and Accepted the Pain

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“Let go of who you are supposed to be and embrace who you are.” Berne Brown

We never walk into a marriage thinking that we are going to get a divorce one day. Thus, when we find ourselves in the path of separation, the sense of failure is right there with us. We find ourselves responsible for not being able to work things out. The critical mind becomes louder and louder. We start going back to the memory lane. Checking every corner of the past, finding our own flaws and many times our partner’s shortcomings. And right there with the critical mind, shame is sitting to stop us from further embarrassment and humiliation. So we stop ourselves from sharing and owning up our story.

Continue reading “When I dropped The Shame and Accepted the Pain”