How I Sat With My Fear

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“You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.” Ekhart Tolle

It was January of 2015 when I took my level two meditation. This was another weekend retreat. The level is called “Birth of A Warrior”, an interesting name for this level. That weekend was an emotionally painful experience for me. Later when I was asked by other meditators of what I thought about that level, I recall saying “it was deliciously painful.” (I would repeat that level first opportunity I find as I learned so much about myself through the experience of that weekend)

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When I dropped The Shame and Accepted the Pain

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“Let go of who you are supposed to be and embrace who you are.” Berne Brown

We never walk into a marriage thinking that we are going to get a divorce one day. Thus, when we find ourselves in the path of separation, the sense of failure is right there with us. We find ourselves responsible for not being able to work things out. The critical mind becomes louder and louder. We start going back to the memory lane. Checking every corner of the past, finding our own flaws and many times our partner’s shortcomings. And right there with the critical mind, shame is sitting to stop us from further embarrassment and humiliation. So we stop ourselves from sharing and owning up our story.

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A knock on my door

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On the day that you were born, you began to            die. Do not waste a single moment more!”             Dilgo Khyntse Rinpoche
There was a knock on my door. It was late evening in September. It was only a few hours since I was back from dropping off my son at his college. I was sitting in my living room thinking how my life had unfolded. There was a peaceful feeling in that, but one never knows what the next moment could carry with itself. I was not expecting anyone, so with some hesitation I opened the door. A stranger was standing there with a big stack of papers in his hand. He asked if my name was correct on the papers that he was holding. “I had just been served”.

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