Finding self compassion

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“We must be willing to be completely ordinary people. Which means accepting ourselves as we are without trying to become greater, purer, more spiritual, more insightful.” Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

It was four in the morning when I woke up with a shudder. Unsettled from the shock of a dream that had woken me up, I felt out of sort. There was no need to try too hard to remember my dream, which I usually do. The dream was so vivid and real that it seemed like it had just happened in real life. I was with my ex-husband in that dream. After realizing that it was just a dream, I felt relieved to be woken up, even at 4 am. Continue reading “Finding self compassion”

Accepting the Impermanence of Life

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“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chodron

Separation challenges a systematic belief. When we walk into a marriage we tend to see ourselves growing old together. We come to believe this is how life should be. We try to do everything in our power to prove to ourselves that we made the right choice. We arrive at this foundational belief of: “till death due us part”. Therefore, even when we find ourselves unhappy for years, we still keep going. We keep working on it. We keep trying. Continue reading “Accepting the Impermanence of Life”

How it All Started

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“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing. Love is knowing I am everything. And between the two my life moves.” Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

After being married for almost 19 years, with two children, and nearly ten years of marriage counseling we have decided to get a divorce. I knew on my part that I had given all I had and didn’t leave any room for regrets. It was time to let go of all that no longer served me. He suggested, I agreed, and we got separated. And at first it was amicable. Although, I have heard from others that it won’t stay like this, my optimistic attitude wanted to believe otherwise. Of course, I was proven wrong. We decided on April 18th of 2014, he moved out May 3rd and filed for a divorce on June 10th. One year later, I found myself still in the middle of divorce, attorneys, custody evaluation and lots more. Continue reading “How it All Started”

A knock on my door

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On the day that you were born, you began to            die. Do not waste a single moment more!”             Dilgo Khyntse Rinpoche
There was a knock on my door. It was late evening in September. It was only a few hours since I was back from dropping off my son at his college. I was sitting in my living room thinking how my life had unfolded. There was a peaceful feeling in that, but one never knows what the next moment could carry with itself. I was not expecting anyone, so with some hesitation I opened the door. A stranger was standing there with a big stack of papers in his hand. He asked if my name was correct on the papers that he was holding. “I had just been served”.

Continue reading “A knock on my door”