Saying YES to a Divorce Proposal

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“Only in an open, nonjudgemental space can we acknowledge what we are feeling.” Pema Chodron

It was four years ago on a day like this when he walked into the room and told me that he was going to file for a divorce. I looked at him and said; Okay! I saw the baffled look on his face and knew he was not anticipating the answer that he had just received. He said; “Is that all you are going to say? Okay?” Continue reading “Saying YES to a Divorce Proposal”

Finding self compassion

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“We must be willing to be completely ordinary people. Which means accepting ourselves as we are without trying to become greater, purer, more spiritual, more insightful.” Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

It was four in the morning when I woke up with a shudder. Unsettled from the shock of a dream that had woken me up, I felt out of sort. There was no need to try too hard to remember my dream, which I usually do. The dream was so vivid and real that it seemed like it had just happened in real life. I was with my ex-husband in that dream. After realizing that it was just a dream, I felt relieved to be woken up, even at 4 am. Continue reading “Finding self compassion”

Accepting the Impermanence of Life

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“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chodron

Separation challenges a systematic belief. When we walk into a marriage we tend to see ourselves growing old together. We come to believe this is how life should be. We try to do everything in our power to prove to ourselves that we made the right choice. We arrive at this foundational belief of: “till death due us part”. Therefore, even when we find ourselves unhappy for years, we still keep going. We keep working on it. We keep trying. Continue reading “Accepting the Impermanence of Life”

Accepting The Loss

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“If we’re willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we can have courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation.” Pema Chodron

Separation and divorce brings a sense of loss with itself. The loss may not necessarily be a bad thing, but it definitely changes the dynamic of our life. As human beings we easily get used to things. Change is not easy to accept. We are creatures of habit. Waking up at a certain time everyday. Buying our coffee from the same coffee shop. Going to the same hairdresser for years. We all get comfortable with our own routines and rituals in life. We become accustom to them and start identifying ourselves with those routines. The activities become habits; which gradually translate to who we are, or at least who we think we are.  Continue reading “Accepting The Loss”

How I Sat With My Fear

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“You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.” Ekhart Tolle

It was January of 2015 when I took my level two meditation. This was another weekend retreat. The level is called “Birth of A Warrior”, an interesting name for this level. That weekend was an emotionally painful experience for me. Later when I was asked by other meditators of what I thought about that level, I recall saying “it was deliciously painful.” (I would repeat that level first opportunity I find as I learned so much about myself through the experience of that weekend)

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When I dropped The Shame and Accepted the Pain

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“Let go of who you are supposed to be and embrace who you are.” Berne Brown

We never walk into a marriage thinking that we are going to get a divorce one day. Thus, when we find ourselves in the path of separation, the sense of failure is right there with us. We find ourselves responsible for not being able to work things out. The critical mind becomes louder and louder. We start going back to the memory lane. Checking every corner of the past, finding our own flaws and many times our partner’s shortcomings. And right there with the critical mind, shame is sitting to stop us from further embarrassment and humiliation. So we stop ourselves from sharing and owning up our story.

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How it All Started

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“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing. Love is knowing I am everything. And between the two my life moves.” Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

After being married for almost 19 years, with two children, and nearly ten years of marriage counseling we have decided to get a divorce. I knew on my part that I had given all I had and didn’t leave any room for regrets. It was time to let go of all that no longer served me. He suggested, I agreed, and we got separated. And at first it was amicable. Although, I have heard from others that it won’t stay like this, my optimistic attitude wanted to believe otherwise. Of course, I was proven wrong. We decided on April 18th of 2014, he moved out May 3rd and filed for a divorce on June 10th. One year later, I found myself still in the middle of divorce, attorneys, custody evaluation and lots more. Continue reading “How it All Started”